Sunday on a Monday!

I can’t wait to be a mother, not that I’d be noteworthily good at it…I still enjoy the small taste that I have of it now! It’s almost enough to make me want to move over to Africa (after getting my PTA) to help Katie Davis (the Amy Carmichael of Africa) and start my own orphan filled family, I mean, there is nothing more imposing than looking at a child and knowing that they are your own to love and cherish, however; so what if they scream and yell all day long and sometimes at night to…The lack of sleep is worth it because you are helping that child grow up and will hopefully one day give them to The Ultimate Father who can do so much more for them than you ever can! On that note, because of that if they say they hate you that’s okay too! I look forward to the Joys of Motherhood with all the unpleasant things like changing poopy diapers and cleaning up puke and having to discipline. They are not that bad… It’s nothing I haven’t done before. Even if I’m a housewife on top of everything, I will thrive and jubilate midst the chaos and confusion! Like Paul says, “…for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” And of course,” I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”  LoL I know this sounds bad but even if I never get married I still intend to be a mother, adoption is so nice that way! One can even adopt little tiny frozen embryo’s, little snowflakes J, experiencing “true” motherhood with out the whole awkwardness of finding a sperm donor or for that matter, …Food cravings and morning sickness sound absolutely wonderful! I’m not being sarcastic when I say that!  I agree that if a woman is called to be a wife and a mother, and a keeper of the home it is a good thing. When she does and how she does it is what we can disagree on, Proverbs 31 is a great guidebook to follow tho’ !

FINALLY! and my favorite sunday Song, a little late! (and a little slower than I like but hey!)

I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s been wrong in the past six months or so. I’m starting to see a trend…Someone made realize me a few days ago, the problems that I am dealing with now have been there, from when I was younger, only lately has anyone noticed them and because of my age decided to correct it.  Someone told me a few day ago that I needed to take control of my situation and being under my parents roof gave me a fail proof crutch to lean on if I screw up…Yeah, Think I Know that but meanwhile while I’m making those “mistakes” I’ll be miserable because of the different privileges taken away. However, retrospectively, when you make mistakes aren’t you supposed to feel miserable because of the natural consequences of your actions? I think I’m getting closer to what’s wrong and my end goal of getting that fixed but life keeps throwing me curveballs,.

                In the “shallow little beauty” news, I now have fixed the last thing that drives me nuts when it comes to my physical appearance. You can lotion and tweeze and conceal most things naturally, however when it comes to nails there is not a whole lot you can do. So I finally broke down and “got my nails done”. Just kidding, I went to Target and bought a five dollar “French nail” kit, so far so good. They look surprisingly like real nails. Thank God! I was tired of having crappy nails that chipped even if I was trying to wash my hands! That’s so vain of me I know, and reminds me of something one of my friends said. I can’t remember who it was that said it or how exactly they said it…maybe I read it…But anyway they said how they hated when girls who were gorgeous and pretty kept putting themselves down and saying stuff like “Oh I’m so ugly” or “Oh, I’m so fat” and expecting others to agree with them. I don’t know why I thought of that, maybe it was J-bird during one of our 2 in the morning talks…I’ll get back to you on that one!

                Going through all the books I got out of our Church Library, again, I found some interesting things in a book called “What the Cults Believe”. The Unification church’s doctrine says that the Holy Spirit is a female. She is the “second Eve” if you will, that almost makes sense, the bible talks about Jesus being the second spiritual Adam and recompensing Adam’s sin. Therefore, there should have been a second spiritual Eve, the sin of humanity started with her, not Adam, after all. Now that I’m thinking about it, was that Mary’s role? I don’t know.

                Finally I am getting everything I need for Civil Air Patrol.  It’s a lot of fun, and yes, I did do it in my nails and no they did not break off and yes I got yelled at and told to file them. Other than that all is going well, even when it comes to collecting my uniforms! The supply closet was down to nothing so the officers finally broke down and ordered everything imaginable new! I’ll get my blues next meeting! So happy!

Sunday Again!

Winters’ spell, numbing

Grey, blue and blinding white

All warmth snuffed out

Replaced with that which is becoming

Colder than ice, The blanket of snow smothers my screams

As my chilled hands cease to shake

With the deadly quiet growing louder and louder

With the trees and my heart cracking beneath the weight of it all

With no sign of spring coming, the eternal winter

I’ve lost all hope and with it my humanity

I am cast in stone,

A frozen statue waiting

For the warm life-giving breath to wake me from my indifferent slumber.                                                                                         

         Yes, I’m very proud of this personally written poem. It still needs a title. I’m thinking about A Fauns Perspective of Life. I found out I’m an inspired writer and this was from rereading “The lion The Witch And The wardrobe” I love C. S. Lewis and his space trilogy and if they make it into a movie they better make it good and not some spin off of the general themes. See if you can figure out what I’m saying, it’s very sappy and a bit melodramatic. But I like it!

                So last Friday night was a little traumatic. We were having a family bible study. Which normally I enjoy but that night I just wasn’t feeling up to a large bunch of screaming kids all in the same room and a bunch of stressed adults trying to keep them down. Plus after working for 35 hours a week and late nights takes a toll on one’s body. I did have some Math home work to complete for that week and I didn’t want any left over for the weekend. I was already grumpy and kind of gave my own. Something along the lines of well what exactly will I lose? The answer was you won’t go into work tomorrow. I was very upset and lost my head and went for a long walk without telling my parents. I was bawling and muttering all sorts of dire threats to humanity in general. I was, thankfully, prevented from doing anything majorly ridiculous (except sending out another unthoughtout  e-mail) by my “mentor lady” The advice she gave me was not what I wanted to hear necessarily but it did make sense.  However I did go home and I was able to go to work on Saturday. So Right Now the Plan is just to hold on and try to rise above the situation as much as possible. My job, Civil Air Patrol, and School when it starts in January will help some with the everyday stresses. Staying with my parents. The only trouble I’ll  have is well…I’m in a quandary about whether I want to do a gap year between My graduating High School and The P.T.A degree and work in D.C. to get my foot in the Art community or do I want to do a 3 month figure out who I am kind of thing at the Rowe Center. It’s a work/study kind of “spiritual” retreat thing…I totally want to do A video blog of my time there and turn it into a documentary of sorts. I still need to call them and see how that would work. I know for sure that I want to do the Navy but just not sure how I should go about it…The corpsman is looking good, only problem is that the A-school for it is in Michigan where I’ll no doubt freeze. The college I had wanted to go to does not have ROTC and then there is the whole reserve option. So yes I am confused and trying to figure out all of this. To make it even more confusing it all depends on what my best friends are doing. I mean how far apart to I want to be from them now and what if I want to be close to my extended family…Oh, it is a royal mess! But we shall overcome!

Angels every where and my Les Miserables favorite serious song

 I’ll never understand life in general. I don’t think it is humanly possible, we’ll never fully know untilll we get to heaven. Then we will have all of eternity to wrap our finite minds around all the complexitlys of life and the great mysteries of God. I know I have so many questions to ask! One thing that’s been bugging me lately is: are angels just white? I know they don’t have genders or at least that’s what Billy Graham said in his book aptly enough “Angels” One of the many wonderfull books I got from our church Library.

Sunday Reminising II

 On Sunday, my day of rest and contemplation, I went through all my journals from the past three years or so. It didn’t take as long as I thought it was going to, mostly because most of them were not more than a sentence or two. I had made this card, I think I was trying to practice my cursive, with Ecclesiastes 6:11 on it “the more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit any one?” Some things really struck me about the journal entries that I do have is that: they are so dumb and I found it hard to believe that I wrote them. I mean some of the things weren’t bad…but just so callused and rude. Okay so I guess that is bad… Another thing that slapped me in the face was how blind I was to a lot of things. Like I had this quote in my ‘’thought folder” from “waiting for her Isaac” (written by Mrs. and Mr. Steven Castleberry) that says, “As she looked back over the last few years, she realized that moving to Kanesville had many positive effects on her life. For one thing it broke her dependence on her friends. She had learned to love to spend time with her family and serve them. Also, it and forced her to come to grips with obedience and following the will of her father (as well as her heavenly father), instead of selfishly following her own wishes and desires.

                She also thought about the changes that her accident caused. Beth could truly say now she depended on the Lord Jesus Christ for all things in her life. Her leg was not improving as much as the doctors had hoped. She was going to limp the rest of her life, and might even become crippled again later in life. But the mighty God of the universe knew her needs and would provide for her according to his holy will. No, she was no longer alone. The only time she had been alone was when she was trying to accomplish things in her own power-then she was truly alone and helpless.” It’s funny that I should have written that down as being something meaningful to me when I was 12 years old. I think I must have hit my head at some point and lost my morals… I was trying to figure out where I went wrong, and coming across that made me think,” why didn’t I take myself more seriously?” It might have had something to do with the 10+ Justin Bieber stickers I had on the front and back (and inside) I don’t know I’m still trying to figure that out. But it’s odd that I picked that quote because of the fact that we may be moving to “the ghetto” and my Dad’s job change and all my relationships changing. I need to really now more than ever take this quote to heart, and lean only on God and trust that he will work everything out in his perfect timing. Even though it may not make a lot of sense to me at the time and may be painfully I need to turn my eyes to Jesus and look only on his wonderful face. That sounds so cliché but its true and a lesson we could all benefit from. (I’m not aiming that at anyone in specific just something that’s been impressed upon me and wanted to share.) 

                Le Miserables was awesome! I had the best seat ever! The Second row all by myself, well not entirely… I was sharing it with some good childhood friends. I didn’t cry until the barricades and at the very end, when Jean Val Jean is dying, I was sobbing. I mean really sobbing! My shoulders were heaving and the tears were flowing so much so that I completely soaked the handkerchief my neighbor gave me. I could not control it! I hadn’t cried that hard since my grandmother died. My row mates were very sweet and asked if I was okay afterwards. I even got a hug from little E (my friend’s four year old sister who is adorable!) Extraordinarily while I was recovering from that, I ran into a friend I had not seen in years! Or rather his mother, He didn’t recognize me until his mother said, don’t be rude son, remember…? Kind of statement, then his mouth dropped and several flies flew in before he shut it. O for a snapshot of that moment!

                Last night I played airsoft urban style, while it was fun I have thirty welts (three of which bled) and a very large bruise on my leg. “How”, you may ask, “did such a sweet girl like Leah get a bruise from playing airsoft? Wouldn’t all you do is stand in the corner and watch?” Standing in a corner isn’t always safe. I was surrounded by the entire other team in a room with the one player left on my team. I had a pump shotgun and He had my brother’s automatic (don’t ask me the fps, I don’t know) He said, “Close the door and I’ll get in this far corner and you get in the one by the door and when they come in we’ll bust them” Well great plan kiddo, if they were going to open the door normally. However, they decided to use a large wooden bench as a battering ram! I hear, “Oh let’s bust it in!” and a lot overeager voices assenting. I start to panic and forget to move my foot away from the door; I had it there to prevent them from opening the door, until I heard the sound of a large something being dragged across the floor. By then it was too late, everything began to move in slow motion as caved in and splintered with a resounding crack. That’s when the bullets from nine guns began to hit me and I began screaming I’m out I’m out I’m out at the top of my lungs. But for some reason none seemed to pay attention. That may have been because they thought I was still shooting when it was my partner in the corner shooting, or trying to shoot (I was in his cross fire) the others. Needless to say I am in Pain.

                But as promised here are some of the songs that meant the most to me this week in church.  Enjoy!

Long time coming.

                Over thinking is never good. I’ve been doing way too much of that lately and I need to stop worrying about every stinkin’ little detail. Things will work out just like with my Raven Queen Outfit. The dress I fell in love with is too expensive for me to get right now (on my min. wage Budget, at least that’s what my mother says), I think I’m going to have to start working at Chick-fil-A, they pay 7.75 an hour and it’s on the bus route so it’s better that way too…But I went over to a friend’s house a couple of days ago.  We went through her moms closet getting rid of things that didn’t fit anymore. It was so much fun! I got a ton of clothes! My friend’s mother saved all the dresses from when she was my age and I now have this gorgeous dress that I’ll be wearing to all formal events and this black sequin thing that’s a bit short but I’ll be adding to the hem a bunch of feather boas so that I’ll have a long train of feathers and…yeah I’ll include a picture of it when I’m done fixing it all up. I can’t wait until it’s time for our trunk or treat! This time I’ll not be so worried about spilling something on my dress and freaking out because the dread pirate Roberts seems to be stalking me. Now I know he is, just kidding, no one has ever stalked me…yet…yeah let’s move on, shall we.

                 I was going through a pile of books and I found a really good one. Well, I guess that isn’t anything new really. Anyway, the book is called Poems And Songs Of The Civil War. (Edited by Lois Hill) There are a lot of sad ones. Mostly about “our Brave Boys on the battlefront” but you have a few happy ones here and there like, “The Pride of Battery B” and “I was with Grant”. One that I’m currently obsessing over is “just Before the Battle Mother”. I really need to stop reading it; every time I do my mascara goes everywhere because I’m crying so hard. I have no idea why though. Maybe it’s because I’m going to join the navy in about two years. I don’t think we’re going to have all the troops out of the Middle East by then

And I’ll most likely get sent on deployment. I’ll include it so you too can weep.

                     Just Before the Battle Mother

                                George Frederick Root

Just before the battle, Mother,

   I am thinking most of you,

While, upon the field, we’re watching,

   With the enemy in view.

Comrades brave are round me lying,

   Filled with thoughts of home and God:

For well they know that, on the morrow,

   Some will sleep beneath the sod.

Chorus-

   Farewell, Mother, you may never

   You may never, mother,

   Press me to your breast again:

   But O, you’ll not forget me,

   Mother, you will not forget me

   If I’m numbered with the slain.

Speaking Of the slain, there is a pilot(s) down in West Virginia. They have search and rescue out for him even as I write this. The emergency beacon do-hicky hasn’t been turned on for some reason so they are having a harder time locating him. It turns on automatically after “extreme disturbance to the body of the plane” I don’t really know what happened in details, just that some our boys were out doing search and rescue all yesterday and got back tonight.

Sunday Songs of my Rhodes Heritige

It's not love "Any other Way" So true!

Randomness

First things first, I am so stupid; I forgot to mention that that lovely poem about angel tears was written by THE Jeremy Hartwell (that famed New Jersey Poet). I was reminded of a copyright infringement and rebuked for it, rather nicely put.

I also must add that the other poems are by Emily Dickinson and Octavo Paz. This next one is by anonymous

So stand firm, the Angel of Light still has shadows

The beautiful is a mask of the hatred that deep within flows
Tender touch and winsome words turn into to a bruising grip and hateful slurs
Where is the line where reality blurs?
The angel of light still has shadows.
Hidden danger on the paths where everyone goes.
The sparkling eyes that entranced and enticed you, now consume with an unquenchable fire.
The robe of spiders web so fine is exactly that, a snare that pulls you down into the mire.
So stand firm the Angel of Light still has shadows.

Yes, I’m quite fond of all things sappy! I’m a hopeless romantic, seriously tho’, I would be a Disney Princess faster than you could say Jimmy Cricket (if ever given the chance) Speaking of all things sappy, I forgot to add that the video in my last post was part of an awesome CD that I’ve been listening to this week. Sarah Brightman and The London Symphony Orchestra’s Time to say Goodbye. I’m actually listening to it as I write this post. I’m just in awe of how well she and Andre seem to fit together! The way their Voices harmonize, I tend to forget it’s not really a happy love song but rather a mutual agreement/breakup song.

                The Bible is full of interesting passages like this one. Complements of a another fanatical yet well meaning homeschooler. Isaiah 3:16 and 24 “The LORD said: because the daughters of Zion are haughty and walk with outstretched necks, glancing wantonly with their eyes, mincing along as they go, tinkling with their feet, Instead of perfume there will be rottenness; and instead of a belt, a rope; and instead of well set hair, baldness; and instead of a rich robe, a skirt of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty.” There were more verses quoted but I as I try (failing most of the time) to be a sensitive and caring person I won’t share them just now.

What's been Happening lately!

Some interesting things have happened since I posted last. I know, I know, it’s been awhile but my internet has been down and I’ve been exceedingly busy with work and Civil Air Patrol. So I’ll share my usual mash of poems and songs and other random musings of my inner mind. Work has been normal except the day we had a hearing aid clinic in the shop. The sales man was very good and did a brisk bunch of business.(hearing aids are not cheap if your insurance doesn’t cover them) but this man really knew how to get the best bang for your buck and what made it even better, I thought, was that he wore his own products. He showed all the different accessories that you could have. They were all wireless. One awesome little device was a microphone that was small enough that you could stick it in the centerpiece without it being too obvious that it was there and still be able to hear all the conversations being spoken. Another nifty gadget that he had was a radio and hearing aid in one all you had to do was take out the accompanying remote and switch it on and perfect sound quality in your ear. I was fascinated, needless to say, because all his wares were like something out of a bad sci-fi film. I learned all I could and know how to fix just about any problem that may come up with any model in the hearritenow brand line. Very cool.

On to Civil Air Patrol. Last night was PT night. Yeah…let’s just say that I’m severely out of shape. I needed to run a mile under eleven minutes. That almost did not happen. I ran it in ten fifty five. So much for “most people can walk that” tec. Sarg. But you didn’t know that my walking is the equivalent of a snail’s crawl, love you girl! Bad physical Training aside by Halloween I will be a full member and will be able to participate in marches and search and rescue and parking duty which I’ll be doing at the Halloween thing at a historical place near us. That should be interesting.

Poem time!

I’m a nobody! Who are you?

Are you-Nobody-Too?

Then there’s a pair of us?

Don’t tell!

They’d advertise-you know!

How dreary- to be- Somebody!

How public- like a Frog-

To tell one’s name the live long June_

To an admiring Bog!

The Weekend

So today was So good day. I worked my usual time and we made over 2,000 dollars in profit! Pretty sweet but that not all that happened over the weekend. I won the speech competition that I thought I would lose for sure. Three funny stories about that. The first is that I ran into a good friend of our good family friends, she was a teacher at one of our local Christian Schools and she was there to support two of her students. I asked whom they were and found out that one of them was the younger brother of the boy that I had lost to two years previously (I didn’t do it last year) He was the age I was when I went up against his elder brother and I was his older brothers age. When I went up and signed in, the lady at the desk told me there were X amount of...and to pick a number. As I fished around in the offered plastic-baggie I was praying, “God if you give me number one, I know that I’ll win” I gave it to the lady to read imagine the pleasant shock I got when she said, “Okay, you’re going first.” Yeah, God really does answer prayer when you least expect it. The last funny thing is: in my speech I mentioned that Cornerstone Presbyterian Church was built in 1940, well it was not. It’s finished state happened in 1958, the blueprints and land clearing were started in 1956. The only reason I knew this was because the very first Pastor of the church was sitting in the audience judging the speeches, needless to say I was counted off for inaccurate information. His was the only low score I got though, the rest were all above 90’s. I aced the “Suitability of topic for Saint Mary’s” on all of them though.

Because I work at a bookstore I have been doing a lot of reading in the past few weeks. My boss has decided to give me an “education in the classics”. I have this huge list of classic children books and “morally uplifting” to read. It’s taking me a little longer than normal to read them because she’s retraining my speedreading abilitys to slow down and get what the author is saying. Which may be one of the reasons I like Henty’s so much, big interesting words that I can skim over without really understanding what is really going on. She, my boss, is very smart and a fascinating study, she I think, is what I hope to be as an adult. Her grandson is quite interesting but for a different reason. I’m laughing as I write this, today I found out he has this list of girls and he’s giving them a rate of 1-10 with the end goal of dating the ten. Well, he came in yesterday to “talk to his grandmother” but needless to say, I was not there, I was sitting for four hours in an auditorium. My boss was giving me little tips like, don’t text when you come over for dinner, this is his favorite color, don’t tease him about this and that, Ask how many pounds he can lift, Don’t cross his sister, etc. Yeah... So I’m not really worried, it looks like I may get a prom experince yet.

Story time children! I’ve been reading Pro Life Answers to Pro Arguments by Randy Alcorn for my own enjoyment. One chapter talks about Mentally handicapped Children. It says “Handicapped children are not social liabilities, and bright and “normal” people are not always social assets.” And then proceeds to tell this story as told by geneticist C Everret Koop, “Many years ago, my father was a Jewish physician in Braunau, Austria.  On one particular day, two babies had been delivered by on of his colleagues.  One was fine, healthy boy with a strong cry.  His parents were extremely proud and happy.  The other was a little girl, but her parents were extremely sad, for she was (Down’s Syndrome) baby.  I followed them both for almost fifty years.  The girl grew up, living at home, and was finally destined to be the one who nursed her mother through a very long and lingering illness after a stroke.  I do not remember her name.  I do however, remember the boy’s name.  He died in a bunker in Berlin.  His name was Adolf Hitler.” I cried the first time I read this,

Saint Mary's County Fair!

So This is my lucky weekend! I broke the winning streak of KCA and here tis', my speech.

Ahoy mates! The captain bellowed as we climbed aboard the ark at historic Saint Mary’s city I was shaking in my boots I could have sworn he was a Pirate but as he continued he wove a gentle spell convincing me that somehow I had time traveled back into the 17^th century and was an indentured servant to Lady Calvert I was just about to ask where my mistress was when a fighter plane roared over head covering His words. That was 10 ago,  I am now 17 while I may be less gullible when it come to historical reenactments I don’t have much experience in the matters of this world and even though I have been to Asia and Central America nothing has quite captured my heart like Saint Mary’s. I’ve lived here since I was 4 and have grown to love this little navy town. There are many places that over the years have taken their rank in my fondest memories with three in particular being foremost in my mind. Saint Mary’s City, Jefferson Patterson Park, and Cornerstone Presbyterian Church.

                Saint Mary’s City, The First Capital of Maryland, where I learned the joy of history and how to make it come alive. It was at the Ark, a replica of the original ship that landed on these Maryland shores over 200 years ago I learned that the sea was not always a noble profession. I had a discussion with the captain of that ship and the horror stories he told me were enough to straighten my hair! Sailors falling to a watery grave from up on the high masts to the sharks below, Pirates pillaging without mercy up and down the coast terrorizing the locals. I was relieved when I was later found out that he merely was a costumed interpreter telling a story about what may or may not have happened during that time period.

 

                At Jefferson Patterson Park I fell in love with nature. Walking through its vast acreage of trees and the waterfront trails where deer and woodchucks meandered as well gave me new insight to the native flora and fauna of our county. I also had a chance to participate in archeological dig learning about some of the first Maryland families and how they lived. Who knew that that garbage could be so interesting?

                While the last, Cornerstone Presbyterian Church, does not have the same historical or educational meaning as the others, it means much more to me personally. It was built in 1940 with the later astronaut and Senator John Glenn serving on its first board of trusties. Most of my formal education was in that building. Learning with other children in a cooperative school-like environment I came to better appreciate my community and the people that made it.

   I love living in Saint Mary County. When I moved here almost 13 years ago I idea how much the sleepy naval air station town would grow. We’ve come a long from the nearest shopping center being 30 min. away! Now we have a Dick’s Sporting Goods and a Texas roadhouse and soon a buffalo wild wings. However, in the midst of all this change and progress I hope we won’t forget our historical foundations and what makes Saint Mary County so special. I’m sure you agree with me when I say it’s a wonderful county. It’s full of many unique and caring people. When I’m grown up and married with kids of my own I look forward to raising my family here and one day taking them to the places that mean so much to me. Saint Mary's City, Jefferson Patterson Park, and Cornerstone Presbyterian Church. Thank you and my God Bless Saint Mary's County!